The Boyfriend
by boosweirdtimeywimeystuff
Summary: Short little one-shot in which Bruce and Tony freak out and Natasha actually smiles. Crack! I can proudly say that this makes no sense.


Natasha had a boyfriend. A real live, non-agent boyfriend. A 6 foot 4 boyfriend with greener eyes than the Hulk, midnight black hair, and an extremely well muscled body. Tony's understanding of the universe had just been completely rocked. This couldn't be real, could it? Natasha wasn't the lovey-dovey type, and even if she was... well. Clint. That's all really. If Tony would picture her with anyone it would be Feather Brains. Another boring, closed off, _I'm so much better than you_ agent.

And yet, as Tony stared at his monitor, he could not deny what he was seeing, no matter how much he pinched himself and re-counted how many beers he had drank in the last few hours. All the man could do was stare at the calm and joyful expression on Natasha's face as the man twirled her around in the air and pulled her in for a kiss.

"Tony?" asked a deep voice from behind his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Tony turned slowly to face Bruce, an amazed and slightly scared expression on his face, eyes glazed over as he stared straight past Bruce and out the window of the penthouse.

"Tony? You all right?"

He slowly shook his head at the concerned man. "Fine really. Just in shock."

"Why?"

He just shook his head again, and pointed at the monitor over his shoulder. "Tell me I'm high. Please, for the love of God, tell me I'm high, I'm drunk... anything! I don't care! Just tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing."

Bruce peered over his Tony's shoulder, squinting intently, before reeling back with a shocked expression on his face.

"Is that..."

"Yeah. Natasha has feelings. Honest to God, loving feelings."

"Natasha has a boyfriend? When on earth did that happen?"

Tony sighed, exasperated. "I don't know but that's not what I'm worried about."

"Worried? Tony, why on earth would you be worried?"

Tony stood up suddenly and slammed his glass of whisky onto the desk. _Oh shit_, thought Bruce, _definitely the wrong thing to say_.

"Why the hell are you not!? Natasha is smiling! She only smiles when someone is going to receive grievous bodily harm! AND THIS MAN," he yelled, gesturing wildly to the screen "IS MAKING HER _LAUGH_! She's showing _feelings_! Not good, not good, not good at all..." he trailed off, mumbling to himself.

"Alright," Bruce said cautiously. "It's okay Tony. Alright? You're fine, you're in Stark Tower, and she's at the - where was it? - the airport with that guy. She won't be back for a long time, and odds are, someone will have pissed her off enough to be maimed by her. It won't be you," he murmured, moving forward and pulling the shaking man into a hug and kissing his temple.

"But Bruce," Tony said, eyes darting around the room while he clung to the other man. "Bruce think about it. This man is making her laugh, and is probably dating her. Think about it! He'd have to be able to handle her... and that means he's either crazy or even worse than she is!"

"Is he really?"

"SHIT!" Bruce yelled as Tony squealed at the feminine voice. They both spun around to see Natasha in front of them, leaning against the chest of the aforementioned man and looking mildly amused. The man in question wrapped an arm around her and quietly chuckled into her hair.

"Wha...h-how...how the hell did you get in here?!" Tony squeaked. "You were at an _airport_ ten seconds ago!" he exclaimed, waving his arms in the air and looking as if he was about to collapse.

The man raised his eyebrows. "Secrets of the trade," he said idly, his British accent ringing through the tense air.

"But...but - that doesn't, it doesn't, I mean..."

"Dear lord Nate, didn't you tell me Tony Stark was supposed to be a genius?" he asked, seemingly confused. "This can't be him, he can't even string together a proper sentence."

"What!" Tony squawked indignantly.

Natasha grinned. "You're right dear, he is well renowned for his intellect. However, I do believe he is suffering from shock. Why, I cannot say," Natasha turned to Bruce. "Care to explain?"

Bruce looked flustered. "Er... well, you see... you've got a boyfriend."

"Fiancé actually."

Tony fainted.

OoOoOoO

**So yeah. I was bored, and I felt like some good old fashioned Widow/Harry and minor Bruce/Tony slash. I also wanted to make Tony have a mild breakdown. SUCCESS!**

**xxx**

**PS SEQUEL UP NOW - The Fiancé**


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